margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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