addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
