i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
