I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
