Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
