he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
