just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
