Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
