It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
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