She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
