Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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