her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize