I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
