Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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