You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize