just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
