yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
