Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
