Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
