i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
