goodnight i made you a song goodbye
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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