ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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