What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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