I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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