i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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