Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
