He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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