You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
