He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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