For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
