even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize