Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize