You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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