in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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