His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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