Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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