my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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