in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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