Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
