Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
