It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
