someone threw a dead crab at me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize