I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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