How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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