Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she told me i tasted like america
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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