I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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