Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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