hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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