sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
