he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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