OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
