bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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