sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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