i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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