I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
