After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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