I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
