if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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