Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
