So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
