At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
