It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
