i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He shit in the fireplace
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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