I wish I could teleport
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
