We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i've created a new STD.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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