she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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