so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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