i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
