so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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