What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
