We need to rekindle our bromance
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
