I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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