I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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