just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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