look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
