babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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