So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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