Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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