Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He better not be in your backpack
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm always down for nudity.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
