dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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