We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
