Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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